Is the briefcase McIntyre's to lose?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Yesterday, I handicapped the women's Money in the Bank match. Today, I will handicap the men's match, which I feel will probably close the show after reports that the McMahon-Levesque-Dunn regime at the top of the company is blaming women's wrestling for its recent downturn in ratings. Sure, it's not the fact that the company has sucked at creating stars in the last who knows how many years or that the scripts regularly get rewritten because an insane septuagenarian has a change of heart. It's the women, sure.

Before I get into the actual oddsmaking, I'd like to publicly vent that WWE put its fifth (or fourth, depending on how you feel about Survivor Series) biggest pay-per-view, not only right after WrestleMania, but head-to-head with the Game of Thrones series finale. That is some stinky bullshit, let me tell you. Vince McMahon will cower from the National Football League, putting on big segments of RAW directly across from halftime of Monday Night Football, which thanks to Sunday Night Football's prominence in the last decade has become a shell of its former importance, but he won't shift things around so that his theoretically starmaking show isn't across from the latest instance of monoculture. Like, he couldn't have put Backlash or Payback or Wrestling Match: The Pay-Per-View opposite the finale if he was going to run there at all? Fuck that shit, man. Anyway, now that that's off my chest, the men's Money in the Bank match odds:

Sami Zayn - 1,000,000/1

Zayn's new character where he's actively feuding with the fans absolutely sucks. Like, I like Zayn a lot, and I think he's great at making lemonade out of lemons, but this shit has been played by WWE for so long that it hurts me to see a guy so talented going back to telling the fans to go to hell just to get heel heat. Just the cheapest of cheap bullshit that really has no endgame in sight. I mean, what's the point of this? Is he gonna go into the crowd and offer up everyone in attendance at WrestleMania for a fair one? However, that's not the reason he's not winning the briefcase. I guarantee Braun Strowman will murk him at stealing his spot at some point, whether before the match or during it. If Zayn comes anywhere close to winning this briefcase, I will eat every single hat in my household.

Braun Strowman - 100/1

I have no doubts Strowman will play into this match, whether forcibly replacing Zayn after giving him The Mountain-on-Oberyn Martell treatment (don't click the link if you're squeamish, that's a content warning for INSANELY GRAPHIC VIOLENCE), or just by showing up because he's the Monster among Men. But as for winning? If he didn't beat Brock Lesnar at Saudi Fuck Money II: Fucklectric Boogaloo, he's not winning the title ever, or at least not soon. He'll be the next in the line of Andre the Giant-types for a company that has not booked one correctly since Andre the Giant was still alive.

The Field - 100/1

Again, I don't really see an out-of-nowhere winner here either. It's not the year with more than a few guys who could win the thing in play.

Ricochet - 50/1

Ricochet rules, and I think he could be the guy who breaks through for little dudes on the main roster. That being said, it's not gonna be this year. He's in the match to do some crazy shit and probably take a gigantic bump that no one other than Jeff Hardy would in their right minds would ever take. He will come out of the match looking like an absolute star, no doubt, but I will be surprised if he wins the thing.

Baron Corbin - 25/1

I know they refreshed his character, and he's quietly become a main event guy on RAW. I'm not sure if that's more a commentary on how bad WWE is at allocating talent or how much Corbin has improved, but that's besides the point. That being said, his first Money in the Bank run was one of the limpest and weakest ever produced. I mean, at least Damien Sandow lost his a few months after the fact and not a few weeks. I think he'll continue to be in the main event periphery, but I don't think they make the same mistake again of giving him the briefcase.

Mustafa Ali - 20/1

Vince McMahon loves taking components of peoples' names from them almost as much as he likes withholding things like health insurance and being able to be called employees. Regardless, Kofimania doesn't happen if Ali doesn't get hurt, and even though I doubt WrestleMania was going to feature him if he didn't get hurt, I think they might play that note for an embittered run to the top for the former Beating Heart of 205 Live. Would I turn Ali heel? No, but again, WWE hasn't met a person on its roster it didn't want to give a black hat to unless they were on top of the show. It's not extremely likely, but Ali is where the tide starts turning from "unlikely" to "yeah, I can see it."

Finn Bálor - 12/1

I feel like that SummerSlam '16 match was it for Bálor. McMahon saw him get hurt, and you know how much he detests things like sickness and injury and sees it as a fault unless he has some weird justification to continue pushing him. For some reason, Bálor doesn't have that justification. Weird. Anyway, I can't totally discount him because you never know, but he feels like another "special attraction" type dude who'll always gravitate around the midcard titles.

Randy Orton - 5/1

Every once in awhile, WWE will turn around and give a veteran a briefcase win just for the hell of it. Orton seemed to have gotten that in 2013, but he didn't as it was part of a larger storyline, maybe his last gasp as a major main event guy who wasn't just some dude on the periphery. That being said, I have this fear that WWE will give him the Kane/Big Show win just because he has that OUT OF NOWHERE finish that works so well with a cash-in. In fact, now that John Cena is off making movies, and Orton has absolutely no mainstream marketability, he's definitely going to win so HE can break Ric Flair's Championship record, isn't he? Oh no. OH NO. ORTON'S GONNA WIN AND I'M GONNA PUKE ALL OVER THE FLOOR AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Andrade "Cien" Almas - 5/2

Seriously, McMahon chopping up people's names is just fuckin' weird. Anyway, Andrade might be the Mexican superstar they've allegedly wanted forever, and he isn't old and battered like Rey Mysterio or an utter shithead like Alberto del Rio. I've been projecting him to win even before last year's match, and when he wasn't in it, I shook my head. The thing is, he'd be the perfect winner, especially with Zelina Vega directing him on when to cash in. The only problem is one other guy feels like he has a better shot...

Drew McIntyre - 2/1

...and it's the guy who wrestled Roman Reigns at WrestleMania. Ever since WWE hired him back, McIntyre has felt destined to cash in on the promise he was laden with when he came up to main for the first time all those years ago. Whether he'll be a good briefcase-holder or Champion remains to be seen, but they seem really, really high on him this time around. While on the surface it feels like a no-brainer, the only thing keeping me from going sub-1/1 odds on him is I feel like Andrade is just as viable and very much in play in case they want to "swerve" people from the obvious choice.

And thus the odds for Money in the Bank have been laid down. Now, enjoy as someone from out of leftfield wins both matches!